Dysphoria
by Ferbi56
Summary: Trans!Ichimatsu AU.Ichimatsu has been suffering in silence with dysphoria and going to the therapist to help get through it. Only his mother knows of his suffering, but what happens when the second oldest son finds out?
1. The Walk Home

Ichimatsu sat alone in the wide open space of the local park, staring at the sunset like he often did if he had the chance to see one. It was weird, he loved watching the sunset over any part of the city but he never made an active attempt to actually go see it, he usually only saw it by chance.

This would be a nice change considering where he had just spent the last hour and a half of his life. Ichimatsu had been attending therapy sessions for a couple years now. He'd hope it would help with whatever dysphoria he had but most days, it didn't seem to be working. His mother was the only one who had known of his problem. He had been born the first of two girls amount 6 children. Jyushimatsu had proclaimed himself as agender nearly a year ago, which left Ichimatsu as the only girl. His brothers still called him by his birth name, Ichiko, as they didn't really know of his situation. That was fine, he didn't feel ready to tell them yet, though the dysphoria was something he was still working on and he couldn't blame them because they didn't honestly know any better.

Jyushimatsu had almost caught him on several occasion either going to or coming back from the therapists, but it was never so much that his little secret would come out. Ichimatsu wasn't ready to tell any of his brothers yet because he wasn't sure how they would react. When Jyushimatsu told them, they all looked shocked at first, like they weren't sure what to think, but they were very accepting of it and helped him any way they could. But that doesn't mean they would be as accepting of him. What if they hated him for it? What if they mocked him for it? What if they did everything they could to stop him?

Ichimatsu wasn't sure, and that subtle fear kept him from telling them. Ichimatsu looked back up to the sky as the last rays of sunlight dipped behind the trees surrounding him. Rising to his feet he began his walk back to the Matsuno household. He was still pretty far from the house so it would be a little while until he got home. That was just fine with him, the longer he got to cool off after one of his sessions the better. His brothers didn't need a reason to question why he was so mad for seemingly no reason.

By the time he reached the front door, he had already calmed down significantly. Although he wasn't really ready to face his family and them asking why he had stayed out so late, he walked inside and slid off his shoes. Sliding the door shut as quietly as he could so he wouldn't attract any unwanted attention, he trudged into the living room. Jyushimatsu was the only one in there and they were busy watching a baseball game on the television to notice that Ichimatsu had come home. This was odd since Jyushimatsu seemed to notice everything a lot of the time but Ichimatsu didn't dwell on it.

Creeping up to the bedroom the six siblings shared, Ichimatsu shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He reached the window and opened it, climbing out onto the roof as he went. Each of the sextuplets had found peace on the roof at one point in their lives or another. They always found the roof to be a calming or safe place despite the fact that Karamatsu had fallen off on numerous occasions. They had even been helpful to each other while on the roof. It always seemed easier to talk about them while up there which didn't really make a lot of sense to them but that was alright.

Despite the difference in gender, the sextuplets had always been incredibly close over the years. It got bad during high school for each of them but they still managed to pull through together. This was good since it was hard to find balance if any one personality went missing for whatever reason. It was a nice balance.

Each of them had their own secrets, some came out and others didn't. Osomatsu had the largest porn collection of any of the siblings, Karamatsu had more pairs of sunglasses hidden throughout the entire house that haven't been touched in ages, Choromatsu had idol merchandise throughout the house where he thought no one would find it, everyone was certain Todomatsu was hiding something, or multiple somethings that were quite dirty on his phone but no one would be able to get it away from him long enough to check.

After a while, Ichimatsu heard the rest of his siblings come home from the public bath house. So that's where they were. Jyushimatsu must have decided against going. He climbed off the roof and back inside the window before any of them got suspicious about his whereabouts.


	2. An Ordinary Day

That night Ichimatsu lay on his end of the shared futon. The set of siblings had been sleeping in the same order since they were children so it was only natural that they kept that order as adults. Ichimatsu sighed and rolled onto his side, facing away from Karamatsu. He had been stuck in thought, trying to figure out how he would tell the rest of the siblings, how he would "come out" but nothing seemed good enough. It had been hard enough trying to tell his mother about everything, he couldn't find the right words to say to his brothers even if he actually wanted to tell them.

After his brothers had returned that evening it had been a pretty normal night. They all relaxed and got ready for bed like they did every night. Ichimatsu had gotten ready by himself as that had become the new norm. He wished with all his might that he could fix that, that he could make it so his brothers wouldn't hate him for being like this. But the truth was they probably would hate him. They had accepted Jyushimatsu, but Ichimatsu assumed it was simply because Jyushi was reasonably well liked and no one seemed to have a problem with it. But Ichimatsu was weird and disturbing, it was hard enough trying to get his siblings to like him to begin with, and if they found out about this, he figured it would only get harder for him in the future.

Ichimatsu stared at the wall that stood across from him. He wasn't staring at anything particular, just beginning to zone out and stare off into space. He found that it was sometimes easier to sleep that way. Once again his efforts proved fruitful as he started to slip away into consciousness, hoping to sleep through the entire night for once without being disturbed.

And just like with falling asleep, for once his wish had been granted as he slowly woke back into the living world to see that the sunlight was starting to creep it's way into the room through the windows. Ichimatsu took a deep breath and exhaled. The start of a brand new day was at hand. He carefully slid out of the futon so as to not disturb anyone and grabbed his clothes for that day from the closet before heading out of the room to change.

After sliding his clothes on he headed downstairs, their mother was usually awake rather early and had breakfast made. He wondered if he could help her at all with that as he walked into the kitchen and saw her hard at work.

"Good morning." Ichimatsu announced himself, walking further into the kitchen.

"Oh! Ichiko you scared me! Don't do that!" His mother laughed as she went back to the task at hand. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine, not bad but not good. Do you want some help with that?" He asked, walking up beside her.

"Oh, would you please?" She asked.

He nodded slowly and started helping her work and before half an hour had passed they had already finished the meal. They heard the other five pounding down the stairs right as they finished setting up the table. The siblings looked from the table to their mother and sister and back again before thanking them both for the meal and starting to eat.

Ichimatsu eventually joined them at the table and began eating, though the rest of them had gotten up and left before he was even half-way finished with his meal. This was fine, this happened with at least one of them on a daily basis so it was no big deal in reality. Ichimatsu hurried to finish his meal and cleaned everything up for his mother so she wouldn't have to do it all herself. After cleaning everything up he slid on his sandals and headed outside to go for a walk. He always went around to check and make sure all the food bowls he set out for the local stray cats were still decently full so they all got something to eat and he would go to the park afterwards to relax.

After checking and refilling all the necessary bowls, he headed into the park. There was a small area that was normally pretty shrouded by trees and had no one there. It was his favorite spot to sit and relax and was an excellent place to watch the sunset, even though the sunset wouldn't be coming for a while. Ichimatsu crept behind the trees and set his bag down before laying down in the grass and looking skyward. It was starting to near noontime by the guess of things so Ichimatsu stood up and started his walk home. In retrospect, it was a very short walk back to his house so it wouldn't be too long and maybe he would be able to relax once he got there without having to deal with his siblings just yet.

Only time will tell.


	3. Jyushimatsu and Medicine

"Hustle Hustle! Muscle Muscle!"

Ichimatsu squeezed his eyes shut. Today had gone the same as yesterday, he had been laying in the park watching the sky overhead when he must have dosed off. And now Jyushimatsu was coming within hearing range shouting their catchphrase for all to hear.

"Hustle Hustle! Muscle Muscle!"

The voice was nearing closer to his spot in the grass. Ichimatsu wondered if his sibling had noticed him yet. He doubted it.

"Hustle Hustle! Muscle Mus- OH!"

Jyushimatsu had probably just noticed him so he braced himself for when his sibling decided to pounce in the typical Jyushimatsu fashion of hugs. The footsteps got closer and closer until finally Jyushimatsu landed right on top of him. After taking a minute to situate themselves Jyushimatsu finally broke the silence.

"What are you doing out here anyway?"

"I fed the cats and then I wanted to watch the sky and I must have fallen asleep I guess." Ichimatsu shrugged.

"Ah." Jyushiamtsu answered before looking at the sky himself.

Ichimatsu shrugged to himself and looked back up at the sky as well. Jyushimatsu was always the easiest to talk to. They had all found this out rather easily. Jyushi wasn't the best at keeping secrets, but you could always rely on them if you needed someone to talk to. He never judged anyone for anything, at least not at first. This was the main reason Ichimatsu was sure that if he ever came out to any of his siblings, Jyushimatsu would be the first person he turned to. Sure, his secret may not be kept, and that was bad, but Jyushimatsu would be the most understanding out of any of them and the easiest to break it to. Though he may not understand at all.

It was odd. Sometimes Jyushimatsu didn't seem to get the simplest of subjects but they could understand complete rocket science four seconds later. It baffled all of them. Sure, Ichimatsu could explain the situation, but it could take a lot of time and there was no way of knowing if Jyushimatsu would understand any of it at all by the time he was finished. That would be just fine by him, at least he would have told one of them. He had been keeping this secret for what felt like forever and in a sense he actually had been keeping it for that long.

It wasn't too long however until Jyushimatsu stood up and offered a hand to him to help him stand up. It was starting to get late it was time they headed home. After he grabbed his bag and Jyushimatsu grabbed his equipment bag they headed off down the street together. Ichimatsu smiled to himself. Jyushi seemed to understand him more than the rest of him so spending time with them always made one feel calm. The fourth sighed slightly when he remembered he needed to go get new medication tomorrow, he had the prescription in his bag, but he wasn't looking forward to it.

The night came and Karamatsu was the last to go to bed that night. Upon seeing his sister's bag sprawled out on the floor he opted to move it out of the way when something fell out. Upon reading the word 'prescription' at the top worried Karamatsu but it was probably nothing to get all worked up about. He would ask in the morning. Shoving the paper back into the bag and pushing it aside he crawled into bed with his siblings and fell asleep.

The night and morning passed and Ichimatsu found himself walking to the pharmacy to pick up his new medication. It wasn't something he'd rather be doing but at least it was something that got him moving and out of the house. That was a plus he supposed. He didn't get out as often as he had been recently, maybe this was good for him and the meds he already had were starting to work somewhat. Maybe things were starting to look up.


	4. Karamatsu Knows

Karamatsu didn't want to follow his sister as she left the house the next morning, he just wanted her to be safe. But he did. He didn't want to follow her into the pharmacy to see what the prescription was for. But he did. He didn't want to go home and look up what the name of the drugs were so he knew why she had a prescription for them.

 _But he did._

And it tore him apart.

The medicine his sister got this morning from the pharmacist was an anti-depressant. Why did his sister need anti-depressants? Where did she even get the prescription for them!? Why didn't she tell anyone!? What was going on?! Karamatsu didn't want her to know that he had followed her to the store, that was a huge invasion of privacy as it was, but he couldn't just stand by and do nothing! That was completely against everything he stood for.

He knew she was still out visiting all the stray cats in the neighborhood so he spent the time she wasn't home rehearsing what he wanted to say in his head, but no matter how hard he tried, nothing seemed like the right thing to say. It was too late to think about it now, though, Ichimatsu walked through the front door quietly, leaving his shoes and bag at the door before heading inside to sit down.

Karamatsu followed her in, sitting across the room from her on the couch. How was one even supposed to bring up a topic such as this?!

"Hello, dear sister! How have you been feeling lately?" He hoped she couldn't tell how nervous he was by the sound of his voice.

"Tch. What do you care for?" Was all he got in response.

This wasn't what he had been expecting, but this was not what he needed. "I want to make sure you're okay, why else?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Was he her only reply as she turned to face away from him once more.

Karamatsu swallowed hard before responding once again. "When were you planning the rest of us?"

"About what, Shittymatsu?" Her eyes shot daggers in his direction but he just kept going.

He took a deep breath. "About the anti-depressants." His voice was low, almost a whisper.

"How the hell did you find out about that?!" She was on her feet now, he honestly expected to get hit.

"You aren't the only one who goes to the pharmacy to get stuff like that dear sister." He looked at the ground, finding the floor incredibly interesting all of a sudden.

Her stance immediately softened, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I get those types of medicines too. I've had it for about five years. It started around the same time as high school. Mom is the only one that knows..." He didn't think any of his siblings would ever find out he had depression, let alone him finding out one of his siblings had something he had.

"You're telling me about telling all of our siblings what about you?! Why haven't you told any of them yet, hm?"

He looked up at her, eyes beginning to glaze over. "Because, would it honestly have made a difference in how any of you acted?"

She opened her mouth to respond bu quickly closed it once again. "I...I've had it about as long as you. That's not all, though. I'm just not ready to tell anyone else about that, though. Only mom knows."

"Heh. You don't have to tell me everything. Not until you're ready. And I'm sorry I made you tell me part of the problem. I'm sure you weren't really ready to tell anyone yet, I wasn't either. Sure, they all have their suspicions but I never expected someone else to have something I did." He answered, trying to apologize for forcing the answer out of her.

"It's whatever. I needed to tell you guys sooner or later." She sighed, sitting back down.

"I can help you with whatever you need from now on okay? Since I know..." Karamatsu hoped she would at least accept that offer.

"Yeah, the same goes for you Shittymatsu."

The second eldest couldn't help the smile that rose to his lips.


	5. Just Call Me Ichimatsu

Ichimatsu noticed that over the next few days it was as if nothing had changed. It was as if the events with Karamatsu from merely days earlier hadn't even happened. So things continued on as they had before, the only actual difference being that Karamatsu often asked him how he was feeling when it was just the two of them. Ichimatsu appreciated the concern but it was starting to get on his nerves a little. He didn't need constantly checked up on like a sick child.

Despite the constant checking up, Karamatsu did tend to just leave him be to do his own thing just like he had before so it was something he could live with for now he supposed. He slid his sandals on and grabbed his bag off the hook beside the door before heading out. It was reasonably chilly out this morning and he was thankful that he wore his hoodie. Moving through each of the alleys and filling up the necessary cat bowls and Ichimatsu found himself arriving at the park like he normally did after his walk.

He was walking to his favorite spot in the park, hoping to take a little nap when he spotted Karamatsu on the nearby bridge in those god awful sparkly pants. Honestly, why did Karamatsu feel the need to wear those everywhere?! Ichimatsu found a seat on a bench near the bridge that had a good view of the scene where his brother stood. Maybe he could get a small show out of his brothers annoyingly sparkly pants after all!

When ten minutes had passed and his brother hadn't even bothered to talk to any of the people near him, Ichimatsu decided to find out what was up. Upon getting closer he found out that his brother was twirling something around in his hands, but Ichi couldn't tell what it was. He took a deep breath and walked up to his brother, wanting to know what was up with his attitude today.

Apparently, Karamatsu hadn't even heard him approach since the man jumped when Ichimatsu first spoke. "What are you doing out here so early?"

After Karamatsu had regained control of his breathing, he turned to Ichimatsu and smiled. "Dear sister, I didn't even know you were here! I-"

"Don't call me that."

Karamatsu blinked in confusion, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me Shittymatsu, don't call me that." He replied, looking over the lake the bridge crossed. He might as well tell Karamatsu now. He may not be ready, he wasn't even sure anymore but anything was better than having Karamatsu call him that for the rest of his life.

"Alright then. What am I supposed to call you?" Karamatsu asked in genuine confusion.

 _Oh my God why do you have to be so dense sometimes!? Do I have to spell it out for you!?_ Ichimatsu only heard these thoughts in his head as he took a deep breath. "This isn't something that's easy to admit and I had hoped you wouldn't be so dense enough that I would have to spell it out for you but I guess I was wrong."

"Eh?"

"Remember our discussion the other day? When we both found out stuff nothing but our mom knows and I said there was something more there than the depression?" Ichimatsu started, feeling a large lump form in his throat. He wasn't sure anymore if he could do this or not.

"Yes, I do. What is it?" Karamatsu didn't want to push the subject, but if there was any way he could help he wanted to know what it was!

Ichimatsu tried to take another deep breath, but the lump in his throat made it difficult as his eyes started to glaze over. He didn't want to cry, not now, not in front of Karamatsu. "I-I-I don't w-want you to call me that anymore o-okay? I-I-I d-don't identify as a-a girl a-anymore. I...I haven't f-for a while." Damn it, if only he could stop stuttering!

Karamatsu took a minute to register everything he had just been told before wrapping his sibling in a hug. "Hey it's okay. If you don't want me to call you that anymore then I won't! I'll call you whatever you want me to okay? Whatever makes you comfortable!"

Ichimatsu clung to his older brothers jacket, burying his face into his shoulder. He did it, he actually managed to come out to one of his siblings. And they didn't hate him for it! Ichimatsu can't remember the last time he felt this good.

They stayed there a while longer before Ichimatsu pulled away and wiped his hands on his hoodie sleeve before looking up at his older brother. "Uh, thanks." He sniffed.

"Hey, it's alright. I told you the other day, I'm here to help you now that I know okay?" Karamatsu smiled

"Yeah whatever Shittymatsu." Ichimatsu looked off to the side.

"So um, what do you want me to call you from now on?" Karamatsu asked, clearing his throat.

"Just call me Ichimatsu."


	6. Thinking It Out

Ichimatsu, hm? Karamatsu liked the sound of that. They were a family of Matsus now that he thought about it. Jyushimatsu had wanted their name changed after telling everyone their feelings. Matsuyo hadn't been one to deny them something like that. It was interesting to say the least, but in a good way.

The two stood in silence for a while. Ichimatsu seemed to prefer it that way most of the time anyway, and considering what he'd just confessed, Karamatsu wasn't sure he could blame him. Karamatsu shuffled his feet a bit before trying to break the silence.

"Would it be alright if I asked how long you've felt this way? Don't get me wrong! I love you no less than I did before and I'm very proud of you for being able to tell me something like that. I asked Jyushimatsu the same thing when they first told everyone and I thought it right to ask you. You can also choose not to answer, that's completely fine!" Karamatsu swallowed.

Ichimatsu took a deep breath before responding. "It's been a while, a few years at least. Mom always said I could tell everyone whenever I felt I was ready. I always thought Jyushimatsu would be the first person I told since we hang out a lot. They probably couldn't keep the secret very long though, they were always better with portraying their feelings than I was."

Karamatsu nodded, remembering how easy it had been for Jyushimatsu to round them all up and just blurt out his feelings like it was nothing. Then again, Jyushimatsu never did seem to realize that some emotions were hard to portray for some people so they just left it with that. Everyone had quickly accepted Jyushimatsu too, proud that they were able to tell everyone in the family how they felt. Everyone quickly tried their best to adjust to the new name and pronouns and had it down within a week.

Karamatsu was sure that everyone in the family would be just as accepting of Ichimatsu and his feelings though, Ichimatsu didn't seem to be too sure of that. If Karamatsu had to take a guess, he figured Ichimatsu probably thought that if he told them all, it would end in disaster and no one would be all that accepting of him which was completely wrong. Sure, each of the group of siblings picked on each other, but that was something all siblings did. And besides, they were the Matsunos for crying out loud! Their family was already considered insane what with have six nearly identical kids and all!

Ichimatsu spoke up and interrupted Karamatsu in his thoughts. "So, you aren't mad or anything like that?" He didn't look at Karamatsu as he spoke.

Karamatsu recoiled before smiling, "Of course I'm not mad Ichimatsu! I'm very proud of you for having the courage to tell me something like that! I'm happy for you! Not mad at you!"

 _Having the courage to tell me something like that!_ Ichimatsu really didn't consider his confession as an act of courage or something like that. More like an act of cowardice or something. Ichimatsu didn't know what to call it, he hadn't even registered what he said at first but hey, maybe this would be for the better after all he figures. _I mean, I did actually tell one of them, shouldn't I be more thrilled about this?_

Now it was time for Karamatsu to be the thought interrupter as he slapped his hands over the railing of the bridge. "Well, today has been a long one don't you think? Why don't we start heading home?"

Ichimatsu had looked over to his older brother and watched his every move, deciding that it was starting to get pretty late and head home with his brother.

They walked home together in silence, deciding not to mention the events of the day. It was calmer that way, and though the events had happened and Karamatsu was okay with it, Ichimatsu couldn't help but worry about what would happen when the other siblings would eventually find out, that is, if Ichimatsu ever actually told them.


	7. Never Again

The days continued on like this for a while. Wake up, go out, feed the cats and then save Karamatsu from the extreme embarrassment looming over him in the park. It seemed really repetitive in thought but Ichimatsu and Karamatsu both found it rather refreshing if they were being completely honest. It was nice actually having someone to talk to that actually understood the problems, even if they didn't know what to say or how to fix it. Much better than a therapist in their opinion.

They were careful not to be spotted by any of the other siblings however, due to the fact that they each had a sort of reputation to keep up in the group of the six of them, though they weren't too on guard since none of the others came to the park that often. Osomatsu and Choromatsu never came here, Todomatsu only passed through to get to and from work and Jyushimatsu passed through every day. In reality, it was incredibly easy to by pass any siblings that passed through the park on any day.

They started accompanying each other to therapists appointments as well. Feeling it was easier to just get some stuff off their chests when one of their siblings was there to help them through it. Though part of the sessions the other wasn't allowed in, both would say it helped somehow knowing the other was nearby if needed.

Karamatsu even kept up the act of not knowing any secrets around their siblings. Though he would apologize profusely the next time they were alone because he knew it probably wasn't helping in any way, Ichimatsu always just forgave him and brushed it off. Some days they would go to the therapists together, others they wouldn't, some days they would spend in the park together, others they wouldn't

But Karamatsu just suddenly stopped asking Ichimatsu to come to any of his therapist appointments, and he started avoiding him at the park too. This had been going on for a week and the next day, Ichimatsu finally cornered the second eldest to find out what exactly had been going on.

"You've been avoiding me for the past week you know?" Ichimatsu brought up, not looking at Karamatsu.

"Ah, I have?" Karamatsu asked, a hint of nervousness at being found out in his voice.

Ichimatsu slammed his hands down on the railing of the bridge. "Don't play dumb with me Karamatsu, I told you that you could tell me everything that's been going on if it helped, so why are you trying to avoid me like I'm the plague or something exactly?"

Karamatsu sighed, "And I thought I was doing a good job. I did something I shouldn't have, something stupid. I did it over something stupid too. It was something Osomatsu-Niisan said and I took it a bit too seriously. That's all!"

"Take off your jacket."

Karamatsu blinked and looked at his younger brother in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me Karamatsu. I told you to take your jacket off." Ichimatsu prayed he was wrong, prayed Karamatsu had never done something like that ever, prayed that it was all a horrible joke, but when Karamatsu finally sighed and slid his jacket off Ichimatsu found out that it was true, painfully true.

"Are you happy now?" Karamatsu asked, his 'cool guy' act having gone long ago to let his voice fill with sadness now as he let his arms fall to his sides.

"H-how long?" Ichimatsu gulped as soon as he had asked the question.

"I did it a bit in high school, then one day I wasn't careful and forgot to lock the bathroom door. I thought I'd have everything cleaned up before mom got back but she caught me red handed, literally." Karamatsu stifled a chuckle at that. "But that's when she found everything out about how I'd been feeling and the therapists visits started. I did the most recent ones the other day. I haven't done it in years and it was really stupid." His voice dripped of shame with every word. "I meant to tell you but I just didn't have the heart. Can you ever forgive me?" Karamatsu couldn't look into his eyes.

Ichimatsu stood frozen in place with wide eyes during the story. He had barely registered his brothers last sentence when he pulled him into a hug, letting the tears fall from both of them. "Don't you ever do this again you hear me!? Never again. If you ever feel like it, you come and find me, you always know where I am anymore. Never again."

"I promise."


	8. A Happier Day than Those Past

Karamatsu didn't slip up anymore after that and went back to inviting Ichimatsu to all of his therapist appointments. The first appointment after the incident, Karamatsu told the therapist what had happened, clinging to Ichimatsu's hoodie sleeve the entire time. Ichimatsu couldn't say he blamed him, they both had done that to each other at one therapist appointment or another.

After the appointment, Ichimatsu pulled some money out of his pocket before looking at his older brother. "Uh, I know it's not much or anything but uh, do you want to go get come ice cream?"

Karamatsu had a rough time at the therapist that day and had cried more than once. When he looked up to his younger brother, eyes red and puffy from the crying, he couldn't help but smile. "That sounds like a great idea."

Ichimatsu smirked slightly. "Come on then, there's a small joint I know that not even Choromatsu could tell you where it was. Plus, it's cheap but better than the stand set up in the park."

"Really?" Karamatsu's eyes nearly lit up.

"Would I lie about ice cream?" Ichimatsu turned, his smirk coming back once again.

Karamatsu couldn't help but to laugh at that. "No, you wouldn't."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

They walked through a small series of alleys until Ichimatsu finally stopped at this small building tucked away from sight. If Karamatsu had to guess, it looked like one of those really small coffee shops with the chairs and tables outside. They walked inside and ordered before heading back out and sitting on one of the tables there.

"We've both been getting out of the house a lot more but it's nice to just sit in take it in." Karamatsu said, looking up at the clouds in the sky.

Ichimatsu looked up at his brother before looking at the sky as well. It was true that the both of them had been getting out a lot lately and spending time outside, but they didn't often stop to just stay and watch the clouds or something. Maybe they needed to stop and do that more often Ichimatsu thought.

They were both pulled from their thoughts as the waitress brought out their orders. Ichimatsu handed her a tip and they started eating. It was pretty quiet minus the casual chatter from inside the building but neither of them seemed to mind.

After they finished eating they threw their trash away and started the walk home. Jyushimatsu was the first to greet them once they walked through the door. "Guys! Can we go play baseball tomorrow?!"

Ichimatsu both looked at each other before smiling and nodding. "Of course my little Jyushimatsu. The three of us can go play baseball together tomorrow."

Satisfied with that answer, Jysuhimatsu shouted in victory before taking off through the house. The elder two couldn't help but laugh as they went to find something to do in the house. It wasn't as late as they had first suspected so they had a little bit of time to kill before anyone thought of going to Chibita's or the bath house or something like that.

Unfortunately however, the Pachinko place Osomatsu liked must have closed for the day because they had not been home five minutes before the eldest came bursting through the door complaining about how he lost yet again and spent all his money. Ichimatsu couldn't help but to roll his eyes. Osomatsu had a serious gambling problem and it clearly wasn't getting better anytime soon.

After a while of complaining Osomatsu eventually shut his mouth about pachinko and started complaining about being hungry instead. It hadn't taken long for Choromatsu to crack by this point as the third eldest slammed his book on the ground, "Who wants to go to Chibita's!?"

Osomatsu smiled now that someone was finally paying attention to him and stood up along with the rest of the siblings as they lined up and filed out of the house to go out and have another interesting night!


	9. Niisan

"NIIIISAAAANNNN!"

Ichimatsu was startled awake by a shout in his ear. Sitting bolt upright he noticed Jyushimatsu sitting on top of Karamatsu trying to get him to wake up. He also saw Todomatsu across from the duo looking just as startled as he was. However, Ichimatsu and Karamatsu both usually slept like logs so it was a bit surprising that Ichimatsu had woken up at all.

Nevertheless Karamatsu did begin to stir not long after and Todomatsu returned to his slumber. Karamatsu and Ichimatsu both expected to be woken up by the fifth oldest as they usually wanted to get started on baseball early before it got too hot to play. So they both dragged themselves out of bed and off to get ready to play. Luckily for them, Jyushimatsu had spare jerseys for the both of them to play in.

The three of them dressed and walked to the field together, each of them carrying their fair share of equipment. Ichimatsu had brought his personal bag with him so he could go and feed the cats on his way home. During one of the breaks however, Jyushimatsu went to get a drink of water from the water bottles sitting over by Ichimatsu's bag. When he picked up a bottle, a small slip of paper fell out of Ichimatsu's bag.

"Hm? What's that?" Jyushimatsu bent over to pick it up and put it back where it belonged until he noticed what it said. When he read the word 'prescription' Jyushimatsu quickly read it over and noticed that it was for something he wasn't sure what it was for, but he had a nasty feeling about it.

Karamatsu called out a minute later and Jyushimatsu shoved the page back into the bag as he and Ichimatsu raced back out onto the field for another round.

* * *

The three of them walked through the alleys together to feed the cats once they were finished. After all the cats had been fed they returned home and each of them showered individually before relaxing around the house. Jyushimatsu finally caught Ichimatsu alone and wanted to ask him about the piece of paper he found in his bag.

"Ichiko Nee-san, can I ask you something?" Jyushimatsu asked quietly.

"Yeah sure, what's up?" Ichimatsu answered, curious as to what Jyushimatsu had to say.

"I saw a paper fall out of your bag earlier when we were playing baseball and it said 'prescription' on it, what's it for?" Jyushimatsu tilted his head.

Ichimatsu felt his throat go dry very quickly. He swallowed before calling for Karamatsu. He didn't know what else to do, he couldn't do this, not again. When Karamatsu got to the scene he quickly pieced together what had happened and wrapped Ichimatsu in a hug before turning to Jyushimatsu and quietly asking them what they had asked him. When Jyushimatsu told Karamatsu what had happened Karamatsu asked Ichimatsu if it was alright. Once the fourth had nodded Karamatsu led him away and helped him calm down before returning to Jyushimatsu to answer his questions.

Once Karamatsu had finished both his and Ichimatsu's stories Jyushimatsu quickly wrapped Kara in a hug, apologizing several times before sprinting into the next room where Ichimatsu was and tackling him in a hug, apologizing over and over again about how he was sorry for asking when Ichimatsu wasn't ready and how proud he was that Ichimatsu had been able to figure out who he was.

Two down, four to go...


	10. Simple Things

Jyushimatsu started tagging along to therapist appointments whenever they weren't busy practicing baseball. They didn't really seem to understand what happened at the appointments and usually spent the time drawing in a notebook rather than paying attention but Ichimatsu and Karamatsu enjoyed the company nonetheless.

Today was no different as any other that had an appointment as the three of them left the large building to go start the route to feed Ichimatsu's cats. Jyushimatsu kept his face in the notebook the entire time, trying to finish the drawing he had been working on that day. It wasn't often that he didn't have one finished by the time the appointment was over and if he didn't he usually left the work for once he got back home. Todays drawing must have been important for some reason.

Once they finished they walked to the park together as usual. Five minutes after they had arrived and sat down Jyushimatsu jumped up exclaiming how he had finished his perfect drawing.

"Well then, what are you waiting for? Are you going to let us see it or not?" Ichimatsu asked, a small smirk on his face.

Jyushimatsu smiled and held the piece of paper out to the pair, pride swelling up on face face over his perfect drawing. The drawing depicted the three of them sitting in the park near the bridge watching the clouds together. It was incredibly realistic as well, as it appeared as though Jyushimatsu had left nothing out of the drawing. The elder duo looked at each other before looking up at the beaming Jyushimatsu and smiling themselves, telling him how beautiful it looked and that he should show it to the rest of their siblings once they all got home.

After another twenty minutes of time in the park walking around and goofing off they all walked to the ice cream parlor Ichimatsu had taken Karamatsu to only a few weeks prior. They often stopped by this shop on their way home if they had time and had quickly become regulars there.

They each grabbed their dessert off the counter before heading out the door and down the street towards home once more. They walked through the front door of the house and ESP kitty was there to greet them all, the feline quickly jumping into Ichimatsu's arms, nuzzling him gently. The purple clad son couldn't help but to chuckle a bit at his friends antics as Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu passed him to get into the house.

No one else seemed to be home for now so the three of them went into the living room to relax and ended up watching a movie on tv together, Ichimatsu falling asleep half-way through. Eventually, the rest of the brothers returned home as well from whatever they had been up to and completely ignored the trio in the living room all together.

With Ichimatsu already asleep, and Jyushimatsu well on the way, Karamatsu opted out of going to the bath house with the other three, claiming he would "take care of his younger brothers and that they should go out and have fun!" Todomatsu rolled his eyes at the second eldest as they headed out the door. Karamatsu returned his attention to the tv until the movie was finished. Once it was over, Karamatsu did his best to carry both of his brothers individually up stairs and into the futon. It was a difficult task but eventually Karamatsu succeed in getting them both into bed without waking them up.

After brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas Karamatsu climbed into bed as well, hoping to fall asleep as easily as the other two had. What he did not expect however, was for Ichimatsu to carefully wrap an arm around him and for Jyushimatsu to nearly roll the whole way over to do the same thing. It shocked Karamatsu to say the least, but he couldn't help the smile that quickly grew over his face in response.


	11. Telling the Truth

A few weeks passed without a therapist appointment. Both of their therapists believed they had been making improvements recently and gave them a little bit of time off to see if that would help. In the end, they may have turned out to be at least a bit right in their prediction. The boys walked through the park after their respective appointments that day, stopping at the bridge to look over the lake.

"It's funny." Karamatsu spoke first, "About a month ago you first told me about all of your problems, and I told you about mine. I feel like we've both come so far in the past month. It's unreal." Karamatsu smiled.

"Oh shut up." Ichimatsu snickered. "You're so sappy sometimes good God!"

Karamatsu couldn't help but laugh along with his brother. "Yes, I assume that's true!"

The two spent time laughing and recalling things they'd both gotten through over the past month until it went silent once more. Sometimes it was nice, to just relish in the silence and take everything in. Karaamatsu was once again the one to break the silence after a while.

"I don't know if you're ready or not, but recently I've been thinking that, maybe it's about time we told the others. It's been long enough I think. For me anyway." Karamatsu added, looking down at the lake. "Things may not change, but I think it's about time they knew."

Ichimatsu swallowed. He felt the same way, but at the same time he was way too nervous to actually say anything to them. "I-I agree but, I'm not sure t-that I can actually d-do it."

Karamatsu nodded, "That's why I'm here to help you remember?"

Ichimatsu nodded in return. "When were you planning on doing this exactly?" He asked, returning his attention back to the lake.

"Well the plan was that if me telling you went well I'd tell them tomorrow, and since it did, the plan is to tell them tomorrow." Karamatsu answered.

"So soon?" Ichimatsu asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Karamatsu nodded. "I know that's really soon, but I just want to get this off my chest."

Ichimatsu nodded, "I'll be there with you the whole way."

The next morning came a lot sooner than Ichimatsu had hoped it would, ESP kitty rubbing against his face in hopes of getting fed soon. Ichimatsu quietly rubbed the felines head as he sat up. Osomatsu appeared to be the only other person left in bed so that must mean that it was close to breakfast time. Karamatsu slid the door open a minute later and pointed at Osomatsu, making it clear that he was there to get the eldest up and out of bed for breakfast.

Karamatsu didn't have a chance however, because once the door was open the smell of food cooking wafted into the room and Osomatsu shot up right in response. The room was dead quiet for a moment and then Osomatsu took off in what could have been a cloud of dust and down the stairs. The remaining two laughed it off and headed downstairs once Ichimatsu was ready.

Everyone ate as quickly as possible and Karamatsu somehow talked all of them into going to the park. Upon arriving, Karamatsu followed by Ichimatsu walked up to the bridge and Karamatsu started.

"Uh, we both have something to tell all of you. It's not something easy to admit so just give us our time okay?" Karamatsu swallowed. "I've um, been dealing with depression and some unsavory things since about the time we started high school." With that, he turned to look at Ichimatsu

The fourth had felt a large lump form in his throat. After attempting to clear it a few times he finally spoke. "I have too. I've also come to f-find t-that I really don't feel like I I-identify as a g-girl. I-I feel better as a guy..." His voice trailed off and he felt as though he'd burst into tears at any moment.

Osomatsu was the first to make a move, pulling them both into a tight hug. "You're idiots, both of you. We're family, you guys can tell us this stuff and any other problems you have you hear me?!" They nodded as the rest of them came over to join the group hug. They stayed like that for several minutes before pulling away.

It was silent for another moment before Osomatsu asked, "So, you're a guy, what are we supposed to call you then?" he asked, swiping his finger under his nose.

Karamatsu smiled and turned to Ichimatsu, who also had a smile on his face. "Just call me Ichimatsu."


End file.
